"I rise before dawn and cry for help; I hope in your words." Psalm 119:147
I've been thinking a lot about simplifying, slowing down, minimizing, prioritizing, organizing and letting go. I've been struggling lately to control my anxiety and have become increasingly aware that my mind, body, and spirit never rest and because of that, I am struggling with fatigue, anxiety, depression, and exhaustion. The worst part is, I feel like I can't hear God clearly.
"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." Psalm 119:105
Every night I think about all the ways I'm going to be better the next day, but then I wake up exhausted from baby feedings, toddler nightmares, and a sleepwalking 4-year-old and I immediately walk straight into that hamster wheel that I was trapped in the day before.
"Making the best use of the time, because the days are evil." Ephesians 5:16
I am constantly doing something, whether it be for my business, my children, our household, I'm just constantly doing - something. I always feel burnt out and I've stopped enjoying the things that I actually love and I beat myself up about the things I didn't get done or the ways I let people down because I forgot to do something, didn't respond quick enough or just simply ran out of gas. I have definitely been feeling like I'm trapped in a cycle and the more I try to break out of it on my own, the more defeated I feel when I fail to make any changes.
"So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ." Romans 10:17
Today despite my crowded and busy mind, I was able to hear God. He reminded me that I cannot do anything without Him and His divine power and intervention in my life. I was also reminded that giving your first of anything to Him, increases and blesses you - The Law of the Harvest. I do this in my finances and have seen the miraculous ways God blesses that obedience, however, I do not do this with my time.
"But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you." Matthew 6:6
I have felt God asking me to give Him the first of my time now for a while. Not out of rebellion, but more out of exhaustion, I've failed to do this. I honestly can feel the Lord asking me to spend time with Him before I start my day. I feel this strongly in my spirit and have for quite some time.
"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Matthew 6:33
As I sit here writing this, I do feel both shame and guilt for admitting that the Almighty God has invited me to spend alone time with Him each morning before the craziness begins, and I have yet to do so. It just struck me how much of an honor and a privilege that is, to know that my Heavenly Father wants to spend quality, alone time with me.
"Everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.” Isaiah 43:7
My husband, who is also my best friend, knows that quality time is my love language. I'm now crying as I write this, realizing that the Lord is speaking to me and asking to give me a gift in my love language. He wants to give me the gift of love in a way that means the most to me.
"Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth." John 17:17
It's been a while since I've sat down and shared with all of you. I've been struggling to hear God. I write from my heart. Whatever the Lord drops in my spirit, I share. It's scary and I feel completely vulnerable but it's truth, it's raw and it's real. I feel like the Lord has asked me to be open and honest because that is who God's children are. We are real people. We experience pain, confusion, frustration, loss, sadness, anger, love, joy, and excitement. We hit spiritual roadblocks. We are imperfect and we make mistakes. We are sinners.
"Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you." James 4:8
I love the Lord with all of my heart. I want to please Him and I am striving to know Him and be a reflection of Him. I'm not perfect and I think that is why He prompted me to begin to share my experiences on a social and public platform.
"Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation - " 1 Peter 2:2
I think it is important during these dark and dangerous times, to be honest about who I am as a child of God. There is so much hatred, judgment, criticism, and injustice using the name of our Father, or taking the Biblical text out of context in order to give power to causes, actions or beliefs that aren't of God. I think it is more important than ever that those that have a heart for God, be honest, true and transparent.
"But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect - " 1 Peter 3:15
Jesus left this earth, leaving a legacy of love. I believe in my heart, that He asks the same of all of us. He loves me enough to invite me to spend time alone with Him, worshipping Him, engaging in fellowship with Him and just being loved by Him. I think it is time to accept that invitation of love and legacy.
"But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves." James 1:22
With Love and Gratitude,