It's been a little while since I've been able to sit and write. Since my last entry, we welcomed our little miracle into the world, Josiah Justice Darling. I am now a proud momma of three beautiful, healthy boys and one beautiful baby waiting for me in Heaven.
"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward." Psalm 127:3
My husband and I spent a couple of days in the hospital after Josiah was born. For me, the birth of a new baby is always accompanied with such a range of emotions. I am always filled with a great sense of hope, love, and excitement. I always feel so full of gratitude along with God's love and blessings upon my life.
"I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life, he will be given over to the Lord." 1 Samuel 27-28
When we were discharged and driving home, that's when the flood of worries and what ifs started to hit me. It was like I was hit with a tidal wave and for the next few days, my anxiety was paralyzing me. That anxiety coupled with the sleep deprivation that always goes hand in hand with caring for a newborn was making me miserable. I was so exhausted emotionally, physically and even spiritually that I felt like I couldn't fight off attacks or even begin to find the words to pray.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34
Deep in my spirit, I felt the Holy Spirit encouraging me, "Don't worry about tomorrow." I knew that the Lord was speaking to me. I read the scripture several times and let it sit in my spirit. I did my best to stay in the moment and talk with God about what I needed or felt from moment to moment and from day to day.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7
I quickly recognized that it was when I allowed my thoughts to stray into tomorrow, next week or into the upcoming months, that I began to worry. When I stayed present with God in the moment, I was able to experience His peace. I felt more confident in my circumstances when I tackled each day with God as my source for everything.
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27
Worry and anxiety have plagued me my entire life. I want to conquer my worry and anxiety battle for good and I believe that I'm on the pathway to doing so. It clearly states in His word that we should not worry. When I acknowledge that this is my Heavenly Father speaking directly to me, telling me "Do not worry my child," it takes on a more powerful meaning and ignites something in my spirit.
"Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken." Psalm 55:22
I want to please Him in my daily walk. I believe it is time for me to take control of my thoughts and feelings and start giving it all to God. It is time for me to completely surrender every aspect of my life to Him.
"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7
Deep in my spirit, I can clearly hear Him saying, "It is time to let go my child." He has been waiting for this moment my entire life. He has been waiting for me to let go my entire life.
Brothers and sisters in Christ, it is time.